Skip to main content

The Deep End Fear

It has been while since I last posted something but I'm back now. I had a few things to do that took some of my time but I'm glad they happened - I finally learned how to swim! Yes I'm a 24 years old who loves the water so much but I couldn't swim :( Do you know how heartbreaking that is?! I can't tell you how many times I've looked at a pool or the lake without wanting to cry out in frustration. Owning over ten swimsuits only made things worse because the thought of just dressing up and soaking up the sun while other people dived and free styled in the water wasn't what I had in mind - I had to be a part of that!

This desire has always been with me for as long as I can remember but this year the forces were strong LOL I had to do it no matter what. I started asking around if people knew any swimming schools and got some contacts to private instructors - the courage to get in touch with them was really lacking so I pushed that aside. I bugged my friends who knew how to swim to teach me and they agreed even though they were shocked.

"Do you not know how to swim?" They'd ask "You look like you can swim" "I could swim ever since I was a kid"
*wince*
My pride went through a lot during this time.


18 Things People Who Can't Swim Are Tired Of Hearing
....yeah. Okay..
Why couldn't I just magically wake up one morning feeling like a mermaid, dive into the nearest water body and act like it was just jokes all along?!


The lessons with my friends didn't work out and the main reason was that I didn't trust them enough. The moment I was asked to do something involving letting myself go in the water, all my instincts would scream get out! If I couldn't get out I'd grab them and hold on for dear life.
I didn't trust anybody there.
I was a nuisance.
I could feel their patience with me running out fast.
Why was I wasting their time?
Thank God for some of these friends.

Then I met and made a new friend who was in Malawi for a few months. We became good friends and she was an excellent swimmer who also offered lessons. I trusted her. I did whatever she told me to and after the first two lessons she was confident I would be good to go after 5 more classes.
I was ecstatic!
Everything was going smoothly which made me question my failed lessons earlier. I put it down to my lack of trust (sorry).


The Deep End of the Pool
Everything Was Going well until....
It was week 6 and I had to move over to the deep end. We had done the Breaststroke, the Freestyle Stroke and the Elementary Backstroke in the shallow ends of the pool which made it easier for me to stop whenever I felt tired - my swim coach was not amused in the slightest bit every time I stood up while in the middle of a stroke.
The pool was a round shape with the shallow ends at the sides making the center of the pool the deeper end. The deepest point was 4.5 meters and I was convinced the devil fell at that spot when he came crashing down from Heaven. This was the part I had to swim over. It was a short stretch which would only take a few seconds to cover but it looked like a mile to me.

Hula sat at the stairs beckoning me over and after a few mental pushes I started off.
I seemed to have left all my skills at the shallow end because the moment I realized there was no ground to step on I started flapping about until a floater was pushed my way. I mini dived towards it and hugged it like crazy. Hula was not pleased. She sent me back to start all over. This happened several frustrating times.
The last attempt was when I started off towards her and just sunk midway until she came for me. I registered the disappointment on her face before I yelled "help!" and my head went under water. She let me drink a good amount of that water before grabbing me (can you blame her?).
She pulled me to the surface....the air was delicious. She was livid.

18 Things People Who Can't Swim Are Tired Of Hearing
Help..?

I was mad at myself. Like, who does this? I never missed any of my lessons and this happened. It was the same water, same skills learned and yet I swore I saw those evil horns peeking through every time I neared the deep waters.
"What is wrong with you Nae?! You've just set yourself back a couple of weeks! I believe in you. We all do! But for this to work you need to start too!" My coach was trying to keep calm but the anger in her voice was unmistakable


My problem was fear. Fear kept me from moving forward. Fear made me believe the lessons I had learned were limited to a certain area. Fear automatically canceled out everything I had worked hard to achieve. Fear rendered me useless when I was full of promise. Fear was determined to keep stuck in the same frustrating place I had been working hard to get out of. Fear made me afraid of achieving my full potential. Fear made me doubt myself. How could people believe in me when I didn't believe myself?

What I Imagined Each Time I Had To Swim Across
I was determined to make it work. My coach made me stick to the shallow ends doing 10 laps - torture! I knew I could swim over that cursed deep end but each time I glanced over I saw those 2 horns #Pathetic I even had bad dreams about it. Smh.

But I was determined and five days later instead of swimming across the small stretch, I jumped into the deep end and swam to the sides - yes, even though I was pushed into the water by some very impatient friends who had grown tired of looking at me trying to make up my mind - but I still swam. No panic attacks. No anchor styles just the normal swimming I had been taught. Those horns suddenly disappeared and I finally understood what my coach meant every time she told me "these are the same waters all around. No lava anywhere.."

My friends had more faith in me and I couldn't wait to show off to my coach - I wanted to make her proud. I still learn something new every time I swim but I'm good to go. I'm free in the water like I was born in it. Finally.
"Everyone needs a little push.." - (I don't know who said this even though I hear it every now and then)

 Fear has a crippling hold and power over you but, only if you let it.

Hyacintha
xoxo

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Let's Cook - Chisoso Chotendera (Traditional African Vegetable)

Hello everyone, it has been a minute. Got caught up in work but I'm back now. Today we will be cooking Chisoso Chotendera, this is basically Blackjack cooked with groundnut flour. It is delicious! My Mum says back in the village when she was growing up, this was considered meat - at least to her...not sure it would be the same for me LOL meat is meat. Blackjack,  Bidens pilosa  is a cosmopolitan weed, originating from South America and common in all tropical and subtropical areas of the world. In Africa  Bidens pilosa  is recorded as a weed in many countries and it is likely to occur in all countries, including the Indian Ocean islands. It is reported as a vegetable or potherb among others in Sierra Leone, Liberia, Côte d’ Ivoire, Benin, Nigeria, Cameroon, DR Congo, Kenya, Uganda, Tanzania, Malawi, Botswana, Zambia, Zimbabwe and Mozambique. Black jack as a vegetable and medicinal plant is frequently found in small quantities on local markets. The young plants ...

The Boyfriend List

I was going through a journal of mine when I came across something I wrote some few years ago. I had titled it "My Boyfriend List" and when I read through it, I laughed at some of the things I wrote but some of things, well, I'd still maintain. I think everyone has their own list of someone they would like to be with. Whether you take the time to write it down or it's just there in your head, but you still have it. Here goes mine: Christian. Non negotiable. Tall. Or at least my height Someone who respects me Smart. I like brainy guys. Like very brainy guys #Nerds. Something about nerds... Funny. I want someone who can crack me up, who has a sense of humor. Employed / Looking for a job. Hardworking He needs to like children. Someone who dresses well. Thank you. Eats well. I understand some diseases are hereditary but to actually go looking for them is just plain ridiculous. Someone who takes care of himself. Personal hygiene. Someone who understands sarca...

Shower Hour

I love my shower hour. I love spending my 30/40 minutes in the bath and when I wake up every morning and there's electricity and running water(can't have both at the same time for too long here in Malawi), I always look forward to that mini spa. Getting on my Mother's nerves has never been easier. My Mother doesn't understand why I take forever in the bathroom so she will come banging on the door after some 30 minutes of my disappearance, what is it that I actually do in there? I am a woman and should observe how fast and well I do my things - that is how she was when she was younger and still is. I should learn. Mom *impatient voice* "Are you not done in there?" Me ".......did you want to come in? I'm almost done Mum, will come out in 5 minutes.. " (In reality this 5 minutes will be some 15 minutes more) This is how I normally look at my time in the bathroom even on a work day Even my play list is more interesting in the ...